First love

First official day of the meme is “Your first love, in great detail”.

My first love was Zach. I was high school freshman, he was a junior. We were in band and JROTC together, and as a result spent a lot of time together. We became great friends fast. We didn’t start dating until the second semester and it was short lived, his dad didn’t like the age difference and the risk it had for Zach.

I think because we started out as such great friends and there was/is such a natural chemistry there, it made it easy to love him. We always explained it like two puzzle pieces that just fit, and that’s exactly how it felt. There has always been a connection there.

We fight hard, we don’t always see eye to eye, and sometimes we bring out the worst in each other. We are equally hard headed and we know each other well enough that we know exactly what button to push and when. We make mistakes, we get close, we push each other away, and we always come back. Eight years now, we have been doing this. We have been through a lot. His marriage and divorce, two deployments, my own relationships and problems, and we now have a daughter.

Now he wants to reconcile. At first I was completely closed off to it. I didn’t want to open myself up to him in that way again. It hurts to be let down by him. But the more I see things with Jay coming to an end, the more I see that Zach is capable of what I want and need in a partner. And maybe I have just been trying to make Jay into something he’s not.

You never forget your first.


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